He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
