$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
