I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
