What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
