OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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