Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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