Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Couch. On fire.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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