Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
