i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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