Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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