just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize