my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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