some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
me + whiskey = a bad person
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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