i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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