I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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