I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
