It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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