are you still at the devil's house?
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
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Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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