I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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