if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
