I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
