so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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