All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
