Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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