I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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