Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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