Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
