Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
