stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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