I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
