just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
