So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
