Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
