you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
