He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
