It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
