im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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