I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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