Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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