I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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