Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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