I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
