The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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