Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
