Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
