Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Everything about him screamed your future.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
