you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
