Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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