god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize