No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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