I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
