I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
