The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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