i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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