This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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