i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
