Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i now understand why vodka
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
