ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
