Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize