he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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