Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
