Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
